How I have missed you, old friend. I intended to sit down and write for a spell tonight, to catch you up on life as I see it. I wanted to see how you were and spend some quality time together. It was a priority for me, dear blogspot. I truly wanted to.
But then, you made me sign in.
Six times.
After I specifically clicked "remember me."
I thought you were different. I thought you would remember me and my password. I thought you weren't like the others who made me constantly log in. I so desperately wanted this to be different. How could you forget me? How could you forget this- this beautiful little life we've made together.
I just don't know that I can move past this. Was someone else here? Did you let them log in painlessly? Did you save them the keystrokes? I'm too confused to even make a decision tonight, blogspot. Just give me some space. And time.
Don't email me updates for awhile. Don't bother being my homepage. Don't call. Don't text.
It's not me, it's you.
forgetmenot,
sarah
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
new
It has been too long. I know, I know. I have been in and out, distracted and bored, busy and tired. A lot of things fell by the wayside the last couple of weeks. My sincerest apologies to the two-and-a-half people who read this. =)
I have been working a lot the last few weeks, trying to save every penny I have for school. My job is less than desirable but it keeps me accountable for my attitude. When I get to work, I literally say out loud (in the car- the kids already think I'm nuts- talking to myself would put me over the edge to them) "Self- put a smile on, stay patient, and love these kids." When I have a good attitude, my day is (mostly) pleasant and I know I am loving those crazy children as best as I can. When I'm selfish or tired or grouchy, I count-down the minutes to 6 starting at noon. It is miserable. It's been an object lesson on the power of attitude. Thanks God- you know I needed that.
I also counseled at Cornerstone 2 weeks ago. Awesome week. I am so thankful for my group of kids- they made it incredible! My girls were so well behaved and funny and my boys were a riot. I loved every second of it. Again, I learned more than they did. Is it odd I miss them?
Right now, my furniture for my townhome/apartment/condo/house thing is drying in the garage after a coat of black paint. It will eventually have a light greenish (almost mint!!) color on top of it. I have really enjoyed picking it out, deciding how I want it to look, and going for it. It is quite rewarding to see a vision all the way through to completion. I wish more things worked out like that but Lord knows where that would take me. I have some of the dumbest, most outrageous ideas of how life should be. It is better that my plan, my idea rarely wins out.
I have right at a month to pick a major. I was talking to Collin about it last night ( I think??) and I realized that the job aspect of life does not scare me at all. I am not intimidated by seeking and finding jobs I enjoy- I just can't decide on a major. Everything feels like it is tying my down and closing many doors of opportunity. I hate it. But God, in His merciful way of guiding me, has really taken the fear and anxiety away. I no longer feel desperate or timid. I feel more empowered than I have in a long time. So that is good but now it's crunch time. Economics and Public Administration? We'll see.
Tonight, Collin and I went on a real live date. We were trying to think of the last time that happened and honestly, it was depressing so we stopped counting backwards. We hardly ever see each other and, when we do, it is usually for an event, concert, something so there is no time to just sit and enjoy each other. So we ate dinner at this awesome Thai restaraunt we used to meet at last summer on our too short lunch breaks. Then, we went to see Away We Go (with Jim from The Office). Every now and then, we see a preview for a movie we want to see and we wait to see it with each other. So this movie has been out for a good while but we waited to see it with each other. It was mostly delightful and quirky but more than anything, it was just fun to see it together. I really do miss that kind of thing. Just hanging out, casually. Not for a specific purpose or tightly scheduled activities. So Collin- you are the best date a girl could ask for- except your over dramatic door opening thing- it's overkill... =)
I feel selfish blogging. I always think that right before I post something. How many times have I used "I"? Too many. Ugh. Tension.
on that note- if you want to see faith and trust being played out in a very real way, visit prayforkate.com . This little girl is battling a brain tumor and her parents are being extremely bold in their prayer requests for their family. It is so humbling and incredible to see them praying for a FULL and complete recovery - because they know and truly truly believe our God can. They are confident that He is mighty to save.
For tonight, that's all.
I have been working a lot the last few weeks, trying to save every penny I have for school. My job is less than desirable but it keeps me accountable for my attitude. When I get to work, I literally say out loud (in the car- the kids already think I'm nuts- talking to myself would put me over the edge to them) "Self- put a smile on, stay patient, and love these kids." When I have a good attitude, my day is (mostly) pleasant and I know I am loving those crazy children as best as I can. When I'm selfish or tired or grouchy, I count-down the minutes to 6 starting at noon. It is miserable. It's been an object lesson on the power of attitude. Thanks God- you know I needed that.
I also counseled at Cornerstone 2 weeks ago. Awesome week. I am so thankful for my group of kids- they made it incredible! My girls were so well behaved and funny and my boys were a riot. I loved every second of it. Again, I learned more than they did. Is it odd I miss them?
Right now, my furniture for my townhome/apartment/condo/house thing is drying in the garage after a coat of black paint. It will eventually have a light greenish (almost mint!!) color on top of it. I have really enjoyed picking it out, deciding how I want it to look, and going for it. It is quite rewarding to see a vision all the way through to completion. I wish more things worked out like that but Lord knows where that would take me. I have some of the dumbest, most outrageous ideas of how life should be. It is better that my plan, my idea rarely wins out.
I have right at a month to pick a major. I was talking to Collin about it last night ( I think??) and I realized that the job aspect of life does not scare me at all. I am not intimidated by seeking and finding jobs I enjoy- I just can't decide on a major. Everything feels like it is tying my down and closing many doors of opportunity. I hate it. But God, in His merciful way of guiding me, has really taken the fear and anxiety away. I no longer feel desperate or timid. I feel more empowered than I have in a long time. So that is good but now it's crunch time. Economics and Public Administration? We'll see.
Tonight, Collin and I went on a real live date. We were trying to think of the last time that happened and honestly, it was depressing so we stopped counting backwards. We hardly ever see each other and, when we do, it is usually for an event, concert, something so there is no time to just sit and enjoy each other. So we ate dinner at this awesome Thai restaraunt we used to meet at last summer on our too short lunch breaks. Then, we went to see Away We Go (with Jim from The Office). Every now and then, we see a preview for a movie we want to see and we wait to see it with each other. So this movie has been out for a good while but we waited to see it with each other. It was mostly delightful and quirky but more than anything, it was just fun to see it together. I really do miss that kind of thing. Just hanging out, casually. Not for a specific purpose or tightly scheduled activities. So Collin- you are the best date a girl could ask for- except your over dramatic door opening thing- it's overkill... =)
I feel selfish blogging. I always think that right before I post something. How many times have I used "I"? Too many. Ugh. Tension.
on that note- if you want to see faith and trust being played out in a very real way, visit prayforkate.com . This little girl is battling a brain tumor and her parents are being extremely bold in their prayer requests for their family. It is so humbling and incredible to see them praying for a FULL and complete recovery - because they know and truly truly believe our God can. They are confident that He is mighty to save.
For tonight, that's all.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Hope > Quitting
I am so stinking stubborn. I don't shake it off. I don't let it go. I am too wrapped up in all I don't do- not what I can do. I shut down. I don't want to talk. I want to hang up, to walk away. I want to seclude and isolate myself because it seems impossible. The issues are too big. They run too deep. There seems to be no solution. I let myself remember that. I have given up hope in too many ways. How sad.
It is harder than I thought. I allowed all these outside issues to come in. I opened up the floodgates of criticism and haven't found my footing since. You said I had a bad attitude 98% of the time. When did that happen? I was not always that person. You never used to make me this mad. When did that start? What is this? I have not been this anxious or worried in so long. We are not perfect but we are here. This is where we are. Let's get the heck out of this phase please.
We say all the right words. I know what to say to ease your fears and everyone else's. Let's please stop pretending. We are all broken together. We screw up. We fall off. We do things we never ever thought we would. We are changing. Hopefully we are growing. I am chasing so many pipe dreams that I don't even know where I started. I talk in circles. We second guess each other. We say too much. We go too soon. We don't pick up where we left off. We lose faith. We hold strife. We aren't enough.
What is?
It is harder than I thought. I allowed all these outside issues to come in. I opened up the floodgates of criticism and haven't found my footing since. You said I had a bad attitude 98% of the time. When did that happen? I was not always that person. You never used to make me this mad. When did that start? What is this? I have not been this anxious or worried in so long. We are not perfect but we are here. This is where we are. Let's get the heck out of this phase please.
We say all the right words. I know what to say to ease your fears and everyone else's. Let's please stop pretending. We are all broken together. We screw up. We fall off. We do things we never ever thought we would. We are changing. Hopefully we are growing. I am chasing so many pipe dreams that I don't even know where I started. I talk in circles. We second guess each other. We say too much. We go too soon. We don't pick up where we left off. We lose faith. We hold strife. We aren't enough.
What is?
Thursday, July 02, 2009
sell out
I have totally sold out to Twitter.
Don't judge me. I swear it is fun. Currently, I enjoy Twitter wayyy more than dumb Facebook. So whatever, i heart twitter.
It is almost a holiday weekend. This time a year ago, I was an intern helping set up for 4th of July festivities. All the interns had to do the manual labor in both setting up and tearing down. Well, the boys had to do manual labor. Us girls decorated with those annoying little confetti bags and streamers. And twirly American flags. Real classy stuff. And once the partay was over, we got to go home.
Fast forward one year. Tomorrow- I will be working until approximately 6:06 when parents decide to come get their kids from daycare. So I will be spending my 4th of July eve sweating in the Texas sun, handing out popsicles, explaining AGAIN that playdoh is an inside toy, pulling kids out of the broken wagon, yelling to get off the top of the swing, get away from the fence, don't shove, don't run, stop fighting, don't say mean words, and the list goes on.
Nothing more patriotic than tired children in the summer sun.
Happy Fourth =)
Don't judge me. I swear it is fun. Currently, I enjoy Twitter wayyy more than dumb Facebook. So whatever, i heart twitter.
It is almost a holiday weekend. This time a year ago, I was an intern helping set up for 4th of July festivities. All the interns had to do the manual labor in both setting up and tearing down. Well, the boys had to do manual labor. Us girls decorated with those annoying little confetti bags and streamers. And twirly American flags. Real classy stuff. And once the partay was over, we got to go home.
Fast forward one year. Tomorrow- I will be working until approximately 6:06 when parents decide to come get their kids from daycare. So I will be spending my 4th of July eve sweating in the Texas sun, handing out popsicles, explaining AGAIN that playdoh is an inside toy, pulling kids out of the broken wagon, yelling to get off the top of the swing, get away from the fence, don't shove, don't run, stop fighting, don't say mean words, and the list goes on.
Nothing more patriotic than tired children in the summer sun.
Happy Fourth =)
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